top of page

Couples Therapy

Are you and your partner feeling disconnected? Stuck in a rut? Do you resent each other and feel like you're just going through the motions? Are you struggling to heal from infidelity or betrayal? Are you constantly arguing and stressed out? Are you finally ready to work through these issues and reconnect?

Repair

You may be at a point in your relationship where you aren't sure whether the damage can be repaired. If you're here reading this, though, part of you knows that there is hope. Couples therapy can help you confront the issues driving you apart and heal the pain between you. 

Rebuild

You've tried everything to make your relationship work, but it still feels like it's falling apart. Couples often come to therapy feeling as if their relationship has been fractured beyond repair. Couples therapy can help you pick up the pieces and rebuild the trusting and loving relationship you desire.

Reconnect

It might feel like there is a huge divide between you and your partner right now. Couples therapy can help you reconnect, deepen your connection, and rediscover the love and affection you have for each other.  

Frequently Asked Questions 
about Couples Therapy

For better or worse. Those words seem easy to say at the time, but when worse gets really bad, many couples are ready to throw in the towel. That’s because they didn’t seek help in time and let things get out of hand.

​

How do I know if couples therapy is right for me? 

​

It can be hard to make the decision to go to couples counseling because it means you have to face your problems and admit you and your partner are on shaky ground. That can be incredibly scary to admit. It’s not dissimilar to thinking something may be wrong with your health, but you’re too scared to face the music and so you ignore the issue until it gets way too big.

​

Beyond having to admit you and your partner have problems, there’s also the discomfort of not being familiar with therapy. It can definitely feel a bit mysterious and scary sitting down with a total stranger and sharing personal information about your relationship.

​

For these reasons, far too many couples let their marriage issues sit on the back burner, percolating. But the better option is to nip an issue in the bud as soon as it rears its ugly head.

 

To save you some confusion, here are some of the most common relationship issues that typically require some time in couples counseling: 

​

  • Broken Trust. Whenever there is a major breach of trust, as in an extramarital affair, there is usually a need for couples counseling. A therapist can help you both rebuild the foundation of trust.

  • More Frequent Arguments. To each relationship, a little rain must fall. But when you start having frequent torrential downpours, it’s time to ask for help. An increase in fighting and intensity of fighting often means significant problems under the surface.

  • You’ve Experienced a Devastating Event. Life throws us events in our lives that are hard to rebound from. Whether it’s a financial loss or the loss of a loved one, as in the loss of a child, the trauma can change the way you and your partner relate to one another.

 

These are just a few of the reasons you and your partner should consider exploring couples counseling. It’s always better to seek help than try and go it alone.

​

What sorts of couples issues do you address? 

 

I am able to assist with many different issues that couples experience, including 

​

  • Affairs and infidelity

  • Trust issues 

  • Communication issues

  • Conflict and arguing

  • Feeling disconnected

  • Lack of intimacy

  • Parenting stress and disagreements
     

My partner won't come to therapy. Can I still come alone?

 

Yes. It's not uncommon that one partner is ready for therapy before the other, and it can be really hurtful when your partner refuses to come to therapy. If you're ready to process your feelings about your relationship and begin working on yourself, schedule an individual session today.  

 

Does couples therapy actually work?

 

Many couples fear that couples therapy won't work. Some believe that the pain of an affair or betrayal is too great to overcome. Others don't believe they can ever reignite the spark that brought them together in the first place. Some believe their hectic lives of work and parenthood don't leave room for romance and connection. Still more have heard horror stories from friends who say their couples therapist made their relationship worse. This is why I don't offer run-of-the-mill couples counseling. Instead, I offer science-based couples therapy and use the two most effective couples treatments available - the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). These methods can instill hope and promote healing.

​

What is the Gottman method? 

​

When we fall in love with our spouses or partners, we never imagine that someday the honeymoon phase might end. We want to believe those Hollywood romantic comedies that make us believe we will “live happily ever after.”

 

The truth is, all couples have their fair share of ups and downs. That’s natural. Healthy relationships require a lot of work. But sometimes it can be difficult to do this work when communication has completely broken down and when there is a blatant lack of respect. Enter the Gottman Method.

 

The Gottman Method, created by husband and wife therapists Drs. John and Julie Gottman, helps to improve communication and ultimately increase trust, respect, and intimacy. This specific approach to couples counseling integrates research-based interventions and includes a thorough assessment of the couple’s relationship. This assessment is what allows therapists like myself to develop a personalized therapeutic framework to bring about lasting change. 

 

What Can I Expect?

 

The first phase of couples therapy includes a thorough assessment to determine the strengths and challenges in your relationship and to determine whether couples therapy is right for you. If we mutually decide to work together after the assessment, I design a special counseling framework that will help you replace negative relationship patterns with positive ones. The work we do together will also help you increase intimacy and deepen your emotional connection. 

​

The Gottman Method has been successful for couples who are dealing with the following:

 

  • Frequent arguing

  • Problems with communication

  • Lack of emotional connection

  • Lack of trust and intimacy

  • Breach of trust

 

If you and your partner have become aware of some big challenges in the relationship, and you’d like some guidance in overcoming those challenges, then please reach out to me.

​

Do you work with LGBTQ+ couples? 

 

Absolutely. I am affirming and respectful of my clients' identities as well as their cultural and spiritual beliefs.

 

Can we do couples therapy online?

 

Online couples therapy offers the same benefits as face-to-face therapy, with the added convenience and privacy of getting the help and support you need at home. Usually, sessions are held via video chat and with you and your partner in the same location. However, online couples therapy can be particularly beneficial for those couples who are dealing with the stress of living apart, and I can accommodate partners attending online therapy from different locations, so long as you are both within the state of North Carolina.

​

Since the COVID-19 pandemic, more and more couples have opted to attend therapy online. Many have decided to continue even as the world has opened back. There are several reasons for this: 
 

  • It's easier for those couples with busy schedules

  • It's convenient for those couples living in rural areas who may have to drive long distances to find a trained couples counselor

  • It cuts out the commute time so you aren't wasting time in traffic

  • Couples may not want to be seen by anyone in their local community walking into a therapist’s office

  • It offers added convenience when one or both partners has a disability that makes attending in-person therapy more challenging

 

Online therapy follows a similar model to traditional therapy and in most cases, therapists do nearly everything online that they do in person. You should make sure that you have a private, quiet space from which to attend therapy where you won't be interrupted. If you prefer to meet in person, I also offer sessions in my North Raleigh office.

​

How can we get the most out of couples therapy? 

As a therapist, I often have a front row seat to relationship miracles. Well, okay, there are no miracles really. The fact is “fixing” a relationship takes work. It takes two people wanting it to work and then putting in the effort. Having said that, I have seen couples go from nearly ending it to being back in love and liking and respecting each other.

 

Couples therapy can be a powerful change agent, there is no doubt about it. But what allows some couples to make it while others don’t? The couples I have seen recover from marital issues and form an even stronger union have all had certain things in common. Here are some ways you and your partner can get the most out of couples therapy and set yourselves up for success.

​

  • Commit. Many couples view therapy as a last-ditch effort, which makes it all the more important to go all-in and commit to the process entirely. And even if therapy is your first attempt to salvage the relationship, it’s important that both parties give it their best effort. This means even if nothing else has worked, and even if you’re both at each other’s throats most of the time, you leave any Bottom of Form defensiveness, criticism, contempt, or stonewalling at the door. These will only impede any progress that may be made.

  • Be Open Minded It’s common to be skeptical of therapy if you have no experience with it. It’s also common to feel skeptical that your particular problems or issues are too big to be overcome. While there are no guarantees in life, my professional experience has shown me that most relationship issues are solvable. But if you believe that they aren’t, you’re setting yourself up for failure right at the outset. Real change requires an open mind.

  • Do Your Homework! You don’t spend money and time on college to NOT do any of your homework. The same goes for couples therapy! During your sessions, your therapist will help facilitate respectful and effective communication and give you tools to get the same results at home. But it is up to YOU to use these tools at home. Your relationship will not be “fixed” every Tuesday from 4:00 to 5:00 pm, it will be fixed from the work you both do on your own time. The point of therapy is to learn how to navigate obstacles and conflict as they arise in everyday life outside of the therapist’s office.

 

Couples therapy is a wonderful resource that helps many couples overcome challenges. If you’re willing to commit to the process, have an open mind, and do the homework, you and your partner have an excellent chance of creating a healthy and respectful relationship.

 

If you are looking for a couple’s therapist, I’d be happy to speak with you. Let’s talk and see if I might be a good fit for the both of you.

​

​

bottom of page