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6 Tips for Handling "Grief Tourists"

Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences we can face, and it's natural to seek comfort and support from those around us during this time. You may notice, however, that some people insert themselves into the grieving process in a way that causes more harm than good. These "grief tourists"are sort of like emotional rubberneckers. Though they are not directly affected by the loss, they insert themselves into your mourning process and take up space in your grief. They may feel a strong need to be part of the experience, show support, or satisfy their curiosity about death and mourning. Grief tourists are not mourning along side you. Instead, their sudden presence in your life is an attempt to satisfy their own morbid curiosity about the grieving process and witness the emotional turmoil you're experiencing, much like drivers slow down to see the gory aftermath of an accident on the highway.


Grief tourists are usually people who did not play a large role in your life prior to your loss. They may be a distant relative you only saw at family reunions who now calls you every day to check up on you and give you advice. It might be an acquaintance you used to speak to once or twice a year who now texts you incessantly to ask how you are and gush over how sorry they are for your loss. At first, their kind words may bring some comfort, and you may feel touched that they reached out. Soon, however, their presence can start to feel intrusive and overwhelming. Here are 6 strategies you can use to manage the grief tourists who may be rubbernecking your pain.


  1. Communicate your needs. It's essential to communicate your needs clearly and assertively with those around you. If someone is making you uncomfortable or causing added stress, don't be afraid to let them know. Explain that you need space and time to grieve and ask them to respect your wishes. Remember, your grief is valid, and you deserve to mourn in a way that feels right for you.

  2. Set boundaries. Boundaries are crucial when dealing with grief tourists. You may need to limit your interactions with certain individuals or avoid certain situations altogether. Consider creating a plan for how you'll manage interactions with people who may not understand your boundaries or respect them. Practice how you will respond the next time your boundaries are violated. It is equally crucial to set boundaries for yourself, too. Remember, you aren't required to pick up the phone every time someone calls or to respond to every intrusive text message.

  3. Choose a spokesperson. If you're finding it challenging to deal with numerous calls, messages, or visitors, consider choosing a spokesperson. This is a close friend or family member who can communicate with others on your behalf. They can help you manage the influx of people and protect your privacy during this sensitive time.

  4. Take control of your social media. Social media can be a great way to connect with others and receive support, but it can also be a breeding ground for grief tourists. Consider setting up a private group or limiting your posts to close friends and family. You can also turn off notifications or take a break from social media altogether if it's becoming too overwhelming.

  5. Seek support from a therapist. The death of a loved one can be a complex and challenging experience, and it's essential to have the right support in place. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, develop coping strategies, and manage the stress of dealing with grief tourists. They can also provide guidance on how to communicate your needs effectively and manage overwhelming emotions.

  6. Take care of yourself. Finally, it's crucial to prioritize your own well-being during this challenging time. This may involve setting boundaries, practicing self-care activities like meditation or exercise, or seeking professional support. Remember, grief is a process, and it's essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this difficult time.


Grief tourists can add an additional layer of stress and complexity to the grieving process. If you are dealing with grief tourists, it's essential to prioritize your needs and take control of the situation. By using the suggestions above, you can effectively manage their impact on your mourning process. Remember, it's okay to take the time and space you need to grieve in your own way.


If you are seeking a therapist to help you through the grieving process, please contact me.





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