Losing a loved one can be an incredibly difficult and emotional experience. In addition to the overwhelming feelings of sadness and grief, many people in mourning often find themselves having to deal with what is commonly referred to as the "grief police." These are people who, intentionally or not, imply that you are not grieving properly or not showing enough emotion in your mourning. This can be incredibly hurtful and frustrating for those who are already struggling with their loss. In this blog post, we'll explore some strategies for managing the grief police and coping with their comments.
First and foremost, it's important to recognize that everyone grieves differently. There is no "right" way to grieve, and there is no timeline for how long it should take. Some people may be very emotional and outwardly expressive in their mourning, while others may be more private and introspective. Both of these approaches, and everything in between, are valid and normal. The important thing is that the grieving person is able to process their feelings in a way that feels comfortable and healthy for them.
If you find yourself being confronted by the grief police, one strategy is to simply acknowledge their comments and then redirect the conversation. For example, suppose someone says "you don't seem very upset, are you sure you're grieving properly?" You could respond with something like, "thank you for your concern, but I'm just trying to process my feelings in my own way. How have you coped with loss in your life?" This helps to shift the focus away from your grieving process and onto a more general discussion of grief and loss.
Another approach is to set boundaries with the grief police. If someone repeatedly makes comments that are hurtful or unhelpful, it's okay to let them know that their behavior is not acceptable. You could say something like "I appreciate that you care about me, but I need you to respect my process and not judge me for how I'm grieving." It's important to be firm but respectful in your communication, and to remind yourself that you have the right to mourn in your own way.
Finally, it can be helpful to seek support from others who understand what you're going through. This might include a grief support group, a therapist, or close friends and family members who are compassionate and non-judgmental. Having a supportive network can help you feel less isolated and more validated in your grief, and can also provide you with strategies for coping with difficult comments from others.
Dealing with grief police can be a challenging aspect of the mourning process. However, by recognizing that everyone grieves differently, setting boundaries, redirecting the conversation, and seeking support from others, it is possible to manage these comments and continue to process your feelings in a way that feels authentic and healthy for you.